i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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