I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
