Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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