My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she told me i tasted like america
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
