I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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