What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
