I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
