Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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