VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
