If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
