Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
this hospital has no fireball
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
