I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
