yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
