Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize