a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
