I could make wine with my vomit
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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