I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When are your genitals available?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
