3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
