Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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