im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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