I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
