nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
