1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's like God shit irony all over that family
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I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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