I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
