wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
