i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
