i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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