he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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