dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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