just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
