he wants to bone in the snuggie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
