it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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