dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
