I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
