i think i have two assholes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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