1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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