she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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