Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
