he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
