mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
