My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
