the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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