If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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