Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
