Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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