Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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