Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
