Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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