Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
