Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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