I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
