dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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