Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
