the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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