Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
