just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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