i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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