Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
