he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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