38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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