It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
