I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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