We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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