Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
