I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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