I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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