Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
