I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
