Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
