it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
