Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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