people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
