Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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