dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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