I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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