I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
