He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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