saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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