my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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